I try to sleep. I can't forget you

Listening to "I'd Do Anything" - Simple Plan and I'm trying hard not to cry. I just can't find a word to describe how pathethic I am. He's probably playing his game, not thinking of me and not giving a damn about the past and I'm here, listening to Simple Plan and I'm trying hard not to cry just because of a song. Why did we have to listen to that song that day on your I-pod? Was supposed to head over to my uncle's place today with Sam and my brother but Sam and I stuck at home because we were feeling pretty lazy and we had a movie and my brother's computer to accompany us. I kinda regretted because if I were to be there, I guess I wouldn't be like that. But you know what, everything, every single fucking thing just reminds me of him. I wish I can just make myself less pathethic. Right now, every of my blog post is filled with sad rantings about him. Bullshit. I had two weird dreams. The first one was me going to some foreign country with him, meeting two new friends and then exchanging emails and headng back to Singapore after a few hours. Really amazing, huh. The next one was me heading to Macs and I was asking about their breakfast meals and they said they didn't have the one I wanted so I have to order this pancake with strawberry syrup or whatever. It's really weird, but I remember it tasted delicious. Okay, at least it's a whole lot better than me having sweet dreams of me and him, that would make me more miserable. You know, there was a point of time when I really couldn't stand it and I thought I was really going to have depression. (Yes, my mind operates very differently from normal humans) But in the end, I was laughing and crapping with Sam so I figured I wasn't depressed. I'm just sad because I was thinking about it. Well, you know what - just thinking of it makes me feel really screwed. Okay, I'm ranting alot, that's prolly because that's what happening to me for the past few days. I won't be surprised if I re-read all my blog posts and realise all of them have one thing in common - Me, showing my really pathethic side. Oh god. Nevermind. I'd stop saying I'm pathethic, maybe that'd make me think I'm not. I'm feeling pretty nervous at the moment and I'm guessing the main reason is because I saw his MSN name Online in my MSN contacts but he's busy, and neither of us are bothering to chat with each other. I guess, I'm used to it already. His stupid friend told me to leave him alone/ stop bothering him, so yeah, that's what I'm doing now. I'm not going to talk to him, unless he does the talking first. Alright. I think I'm done. I ranted alot. Wow.