Ever the same.

I was pissed off a few days ago, because she was hanging out with him. I'm pissed off again, knowing that she is getting closer to him. I don't know how I can still feel this way, but one thing's for sure, I'm jealous. Not sure why, not sure when, not sure how. But everytime I hear her name echo through my phone speakers, I feel inferior compared to her. I remembered declaring that I finally got over him. But have I? Or am I just gathering the broken pieces and trying to put them back again? I feel really desperate. Kinda pathethic, though.

Nevermind. I'm going to learn my lessons soon. Picking up the pieces over and over again, somehow, it stings me more everytime, but still I do it. Everytime I say something regarding about him, this foreign feeling arouse me. Is this what they call Crush? Happy, upon hearing his name, angered when his name is being mentioned with her. Am I that obessive? Can't help it, though. Maybe I'm just going through the process of seriously-getting-over-him.

So, here's something for him. If you're going to go with her, don't break her heart, like you did to mine. I feel regret for liking you. But why am I still thinking of you? I know you don't appear in my dreams anymore, instead, you're replaced by a figure. A figure of doubt. When I close my eyes, you don't appear anymore. Instead, someone else appears. Someone that I can only contact through closed eyes/dreams. Maybe he's someone I imagined, someone who I yearn for, someone who wouldn't break my heart. Childish somehow. But I guess I really have an imaginary friend to talk to with my eyes closed.

Crazy talk. Nevermind, at least I'm pouring out my feelings. Finally. There's going to be ELDDS tomorrow - the dread. I feel like staying up and sleeping in tomorrow. I'm not in the mood to wake up early to go to school for CCA. Somehow, having to replica a smile, it's uncomfortable. Most probably, I would forget about all this crap tomorrow and start a new day and a smile. Not a phoney one.

These few days have been pretty boring. Thinking, reading, typing, writting, drawing. Sam and me have been staying up till very late/early these few days, thinking of plots for our fanfictions/fiction stories. Somehow, I'm inspired to be an author. That's probably the cause of reading too many stories and blogging too long entries. I feel like hugging someone now (again). Don't blame me. Maybe I'll get to do that in my dreams. If I think hard enough, that is. Hahaha.

Somehow, I can relate to the song, "The Way" - Clay Aiken. Don't know why, but I feel connected to the song. It's 3am now, I don't feel any sleepy.

I'm asking myself this very simple question, "Am I holding onto something that I can never have?" Somehow, even if it is a very simple question, I still can't figure out the answer.

I'll stop blogging for now. It's 3.17AM. Sayonara all.