Always had and Always Will .

So what can I do to finally get him acknowledge me ? I just want him to be happy . I just want him to be happy . I'm just selfish, wanting him all to myself, not wanting to give up even though he shows obvious signs of not returning the feelings back . I'm such a stubborn girl, it's been more than 3 months and I'm still stuck to this same spot, not moving forward and reaching out to feel the warmth of my friends . That reminded me, I've been in a bad mood these days, so I'm terribly sorry if anything I said made any of you feel bad .

Just that I'm totally at loss of what to do . I'm already on the verge of totally giving him up . Maybe not totally forget him, but I'll stop regarding him as a crush . Just today, he was finishing up his punishment - to write 500 sentences because he forget to bring his science file . I willingly voluntereed to write 2 whole sheets of statments for him, despite knowing that I wouldn't get any acknowlegment . Crazy, aren't I ? Then, Ricky told me that he says that I'm troublesome . Why ? Because Ricky (and pals) and me were planning to celebrate Ricky's birthday by watching movies . And my crush was saying, she'll be a drag (or troublesome) because later we go arcade, then she'll be pulling us down . Haven't he even think of the energy I wasted helping him write the 2 sheets of paper, which I don't need to write, and I willingly wrote for him neatly even if I'm tired . How kind of him . Haven't he used his brain to the fullest and think that after catching the movies, we can part off . So that I won't be a BIG disturbance to them . Seriously, I remembered telling Billy that I don't want to hang out with them because I afraid I'll be like a problem to my crush and this happened . So yeah, I've been indirectly cursing myself lately .

Emelia told me that I'm paying attention that shouldn't be deserved to my crush and that I should shower it to my friends more . Like Ricky . I realised that I've been such an unfair person . All the time, I wanted to be with him, that I completely ignore the presence of him and well starting from the day he helped me, I couldn't find any exact words, presents to repay back all the kindness that he's provided me with . For these few months, I realised that even if he's emo, he still manages to make my day with some jokes or just a smile . I want to say a big sorry . I'll promise to let go of him as fast as I can and spend more time with you and my other friends that I've been neglecting . I can't believe that all this time, I still haven't changed . Been selfish in primary school and I'm still selfish now .

Ok, enough with the sad talk . I shall blog about what happened these past few days . Glenys, Glenda, Debra & me have been laughing alot these few days, because we were creating fantastic poems about the extraordinary X-mas Tree, "Amaria" . Glenys and Glenda are such funny clones ! I don't regret sitting with them and I'm really grateful that our index numbers are close to each other . Anyway, Debra and me has a surprise installed for some of the rumoured "couples" in my class . Hopefully, we'll be the perfect people to do this job . Afterall, what we're trying to do is to bring happiness ! And that's something that not many people want to do, so worship the both of us ! :D

Oh yeah ! I came to school late on Wednesday, because I woke up late, because my alarm clock refused to wake me up . Well, more of Sam and me since we were sleeping in the same room . So, we woke up at 7.30 and then we reached school at around 8+ and immediately went upstairs to have lessons . Then, today, we woke up slightly earlier, but still later than our usual timing, It sucks to know the the alarm clock is starting to betray us . -.- Argh, I hope we won't woke up late tomorrow . I want to reach school earlier and talk to some of my classmates . I guess it'll make me feel better .

I shouldn't help him anymore . I shouldn't attempt to make him happy . Because he won't care, he'll just nod and then just recieve the "present" without saying any thanks or a smile . An ignorant arrogant jerk . That's what I can describe him . He's a robot, and mind you, not a cute one anymore . His heart has frozen for the past few months and right now, it's so frozen that only afew that are superior can penetrate through . Well, I'm not superior and therefore, I failed to win his heart . What a great scientific explaination ! Hah . From now on, I'll focus more on my studies and revise more often . Maybe studying can be a distraction from these distrubing thoughts that keeps entering my mind .

Just the thought of tomorrow makes me feel pissed off . I would have to bring home the books I left under the table tomorrow and start revision, Literature exam starts on Monday and talking about Literature, the whole class sure had alot of fun during Literature lesson today ! Mr Chow supplied some of our classmates with mooncakes and told us many funny matters, that caused us to laugh ! I really enjoy his lessons ! :D Maths was a bit difficult, but I still managed to pull through it . I hope that I'll be able to pass my EOY and get into the same class as my classmates . The thought of transfering school has occupied my mind since the start of the year, but it causes lots of problem, so I'll just have to deal with this school .

Maybe if I ignore it, I'll start to enjoy school . Maybe, maybe not . I've never been someone who enjoys school, since I prefer staying at home, surfing the Internet or doing something else . At least, we don't have to wake up early and rush to school . But the good thing about school are friends and being outdoors . Being indoors sometimes can get sorta tired, even if sleeping in can be considered an advantage . Right now, I'll pray for everyone to pass their EOY , I know it's a tough period, endure it and study hard .

Gambatte to all and take care then ! Sayonara !