Maybe he's supposed to be in my head .

I don't admit jealousy . At least I think so, only until I'm really forced to say it out . The fact is that being jealous has no purpose at all . It only makes you frustrated and no matter how many times you scold yourself there's nothing to be jealous about - there is always still something . No matter how much I say I want to let him go, I won't and I can't . Because even if I were to, memories will remind me of him and that isn't really called "getting over him" right ? Memories is something that is being kept . It can't be forgotten .

They are what keeps us,Human Beings alive . I believe everyone has their greatest memories and it's well-remembered but how about the times when you felt like you completely lost hope in the world and that everything you see is just a facade ? You begin to sink into depression and feel that you're a fake and so is everyone . They are all trying to impress someone without using what they already have - themselves . I believe everyone has felt that way before, nobody lives a life that is a whole stretch of happiness/sadness . As I said, if you think your life's screwed, then learn to open your eyes, because if you're closing them, you won't be able to see the happines that's right infront of you .

These days, all the thoughts that come into my mind are negative thoughts BUT I'm still ok . Because I'm trying to turn negative thoughts to positive ones by looking at the bright side of it . Afterall, there's always a bright side to things right ? I know, I might not be truly happy but at least, I know that he's going to be happy . I'll learn to control my emotions . I won't fail . I won't be the girl who cries so easily . I don't want to be . Inferiority sometimes eats me up and at during those times, I feel like the light in my dark tunnel just died out . But I'll move on .

Today has promised me a better day . I stayed fine because I learnt to cast away thoughts about him . I was talking to Sam and she was telling me that you can never get someone you like out of your head, because even if you completely treat him as a "friend" , memories still exist and with memories, how can you totally get him out of your head ? I remembered someone telling me that he stopped liking me because of an embarassing event . He was telling himself to forget about me and to move on . Maybe it was easy , but maybe it was hard . I'm not sure and on Thursday, we had this Chinese Drama lesson and we were called to act out as someone and it was his turn .

He had no idea who to act and so the instructor just instruct him to tell to the class an event that he can never get out of his head . I see him bow his head down, showing to others that he's in deep thought and after a while he talked to the instructor about something and looked at me . His eyes made me looked away . Maybe I was his "unforgettable" memory ? Getting a present and knowing that he,himself tore the letter and just ignored the gifts - maybe that was the event that forever stayed in his mind . I do not plan on elaborating more on the incident about the present but I just want to say that even if the whole incident has passed on, there would still be the scar that I retrieved from knowing what he done - it'll stay there forever unless he wants to do something to it .

Okay, enough of the serious talk, I shall blog about what happened today . I went to Tessmin's house to research on the debate with Iris and Sam . I assumed that Rupa was busy since she wasn't the person to meet up during weekends and so we researched and managed to divide the points . We also got to talk and have some laughs . It was nice and I just want to say that both my seniors are great . :) Thanks to Tess for borrowing me a comic (the two volumes) which I enjoyed reading a whole lot !

Frustration only makes me feel pain . I hope this frustration dies down . I heard from Tess that Fruits Basket is coming out next week . I seriously can't wait for it, it's been a long time since the volumes came out and the plot is getting kind of exciting . That reminds me, I haven't been drawing lately . I do plan on drawing alot these few days since I have to lessen the time on the computer and start on serious work . At least drawing isn't that bad as playing the computer right ? :P

Okay then , I shall stop blogging for now . My stomach's calling for food . Sayonara and thanks for reading !