Keep this close to your heart please.

Been very busy with the Debates these days. Teacher just elected me to be the 2nd Speaker,so I'm offically in this debate. The whole debate team stayed back till 6+ and we gathered lots of points,one of my team-mates and me are meeting up tomorrow to finish our speeches. Hopefully,we'll win this debate,because we stayed back for more than a week till 6+ and we are totally drained. I'm going to die of sleep deprivation. x_x;

Anyway,I've stopped thinking so much about him lately since I'm busy with lots of stuff. Maybe I should just move on. I keep telling myself to give up when all I do is look at him and let negative thoughts enter my head. I'm trying my best to still shine,to smile and to make myself into this better person. I don't want to be the foolish,shy,scared and useless girl. I want to be someone confident,capable,sporting and outgoing. I admit,I'm scared of many things but I really want to change for the better. Overcoming my fears is something I really want to do. Time to grow up. A part of growing up is to accept what fate has given to you and treasure it instead of regretting and crying over it. I regretted crying so much about this and I will try to open myself more. I know I can be really secretive and it really irritates some of you,but the truth is,I don't want you guys to be worried about me. It feels make me really guilty.

Recalling back what happened during Primary School,I wasn't really who I am now. I was the really quiet,foolish,shy,scared and useless girl. Even if I'm a teacher's pet and am responsible,I wasn't able to do many things,I'm scared of many things and I wasn't willing to take risks. I was really afraid of looking into the past and never thought I'll make it to Secondary School. So yeah,my buddies said I've changed. And I'm glad to know that it is in a positive way. I might become more quiet,but at least I manage to make myself more useful and more outgoing. Afterall,I don't want to have so many regrets in life. Right now,even if my heart aches and I really feel like crying,screaming and cursing him out loud. I won't. I will try to prevent myself from doing this.

I turned "stone" today during Science Lesson because I felt really irritated. So I was making growling noises and ocasionally banging the table. I wanted to distract myself. Banging the table,causes physical strain and pain to my hand and well,at least during that period of time,I'll concertrate on the physical pain rather than the mental overwhelming pain that's forming everyday. Even if I act like nothing's happen and that 'I don't like him anymore',the truth is all typed in this blog. I don't really care if he happens to stumble upon this blog,afterall,he has got to know the truth I've kept for months. I know he will just read with no expression,he won't cry,he won't say any bad words,he'll just read and close the window. I don't really mean that much to him,afterall. Just a classmate,just a friend.

Maybe this mental pain started to grow when I saw the girl he is ga-ga over. I felt really jealous and envious. Sometimes,I even wondered,why are some people born to have natural beauty? They say don't judge a book by it's covers,but sadly,everyone is doing that. It really hurts after knowing that he's the sort of guy that I really depise. But even though I stated that I hate these kind of guys,it's weird that I will never grow to hate him. I guess it's because I hate him too much to still like him. Foolish but true.

Tagboard's not working and I'm really in the mood to read the tags made by friends. It kinda makes me happy. Oh yes,I got in touch with a Primary 3 classmate through Friendster. I'm glad that he still remembers me. :) Hahaha. Friendster does has it's advantages,afterall. ;) Okay,back to the topic. I know I'm kinda obstinate to blog about him everyday,but if I don't tell out my feelings here..then where am I to tell to? I don't really want to burden my friends with my troubles. It can be really provoking. It feels like I'm missing him somehow. By him,I mean my current crush. Even if I see him everyday,it feels like I'm really missing him. Maybe,I'm more missing the days when I spend joking and having fun with him. Damn. I really hate how I can go totally sensitive over these matters and start having tears form up in my eyes. It's a really stupid act.

Just want to say that Lying is a sin. The people I abhor most are Liars. Unless they have valid reasons of lying,if not it might never really be forgiven. I'm not that forgiving,even if I say "I forgive you". The incident will remain in my head for a long time and only when I really want to fully forgive you,then I will start looking things in a different light. Complicated,no? Teacher's Day is drawing really near. I'm really excited about going to Primary school to visit my ex-classmates. I really miss them terribly. :D I'm wondering how my primary school crush is doing. I kinda forget how he looks,only until I look at the class photo. ^^; So yeah,if you're reading this,forgive me. I suffer from Short Term Memory Loss (STML).

-yawns- I'm getting really tired and sleepy. Been staying back in school for a week or so. I miss taking photos with my buddies. :( It's been a very long time since we've been taking photos. Once,I'm done with the debates,I promise photos. :D

Okay then,wish me all the best for Debates. It starts on Monday and did I tell you guys that I'm the second speaker? Eeek. >_<; I'm kinda nervous and I'm not sure if I'll make it. I don't want so many people to be watching this too. x_x; So yeah,if you're interested,go ahead to Grassroots Club ,for further details,you can ask me or any debate team members you know of. :D

Sayonara for now.