I can't anymore.

Another day. Another time. Another thought. Another event. So yeah,turns out the present is gone. I don't know where it is,or who threw it away. Most probably,my crush is the 'mastermind' of all this. Every breath I take,my heart aches from the pain and when I cover my head,I can feel tears coming out. I don't want to let anyone see me cry,so I just wipe it off and continued smiling. Everything happens for a reason,I did asked my close friend,the reason why my crush did this and he doesn't even know. I feel very troubled and deeply hurt. I guess it really takes a long time to recover from this pain that I feel...

I thought that today was going to be a good day. The starting was fantastic,I was smiling,laughing and really enjoying it until during chinese class,one of my friends blurted out something about this event and well I slammed the table softly and buried my head. My thoughts took a change of direction and I felt this overwhelming feeling. My heart really aches. And that's no lie. Ever felt that there's this special someone inside you wanting to break free and come out ? That's the feeling I have,a day before school re-opens. I wanted this inner me to expose itself but now,it's really hard to.

Tomorrow's my birthday and Youth Day. Eme's coming over to fix up my hair,I want a new hairstyle on this energetic day. To make sorrow disappear and to let happiness enter. Everything's taking a good change soon,after I get over him. I'll focus more on my studies and learn to face the world with a newer view. Afterall,the past is the past. I shouldn't really turn and look back,if not I'll be forever standing here. I know it's hurtful,that's why I'm trying to occupy myself with other stuff to forget about this event. It's the most hurtful thing anyone has done to me.

There was ELDDS session today. Since the instructor wasn't free,my form teacher took charge and she did something about debating. We had a few tips and we had a mock debate. My team didn't really win because we weren't prepared. But I guess I got a mild case of nervous-ness while stating my motive and examples. Heh. I'm going to practice hard and make the school proud. I really want to win this compeitition badly. Not to impress anyone in particular,but to let more people know of my existence. I want to get to know more new friends. Because I guess,when going through this kind of matters,it's good to have more listening ears and shoulders to lean on. :)

I wonder how he feels and is thinking. He still gives me stares sometimes,but it's not as often as before. Sigh. I really desperately want to know what he's thinking. Most of my friends says that he's not worth it. But is that the real truth ? The first time I liked him,well I always thought he was really special in a way. He is really able to make people laugh and can be really quiet too. It's weird how I always like quiet guys. Ohwell. So yeah,I've already made a decesion,to try and get over him. Staying as friends will be a whole lot better. I've always heard my inner voice telling me that. Heh. Nevermind. There's no use of being regretful.

I'll work on my class' blog tomorrow - if I have the time,that is. My teacher assigned me to help open a blog for my class and well,I guess if I'm not lazy,I'll help to create a layout,if I am,I'll just go Blogskins and find for a fitting skin. Lots of homework. This must be our welcome gift back from school. -.-; I feel that I'm not ready for tomorrow. I'm not sure if it's gonna be a good or bad day. These few days (well actually after I found out that incident) ,I've been having terrible moodswings. For a few hours,I can be completely stone,quiet and sad and after a few hours,I'll be happy,laughing,smiling and being just plain retarded. Ohwell.

Hn. There's nothing much to add already. So sayonara for now. Happy Youth Day in advance to all ! :)