I hate the fact that I will never really Hate You

NAPFA has passed with some ordinary results. Nothing that bad/embarassing happened. I don't understand why some people even our close friends can 't understand how we feel inside. No matter how many times we try to explain to them how we feel,and even if they nod their heads,pretending they know,they will just start gossiping behind our backs because they aren't satisfied that we can't do things that they want.

I'm trying really really hard to do what they want but it's so hard because i don't want to hurt that person's feelings. It's hard,really hard. I understand she doesn't likes to be lonely,because i feel the same way too. When i'm alone,i start gathering threatening thoughts and the atmosphere becomes very tense. That's why i don't really blame that girl for always sticking to me,even if she has some bad points,and she has once betrayed me,i still repsect her feelings. Sometimes,the way they look at me,tell me that they blame me,they blame me for letting her stick to us and they blame me for not getting rid of her. But please,i don't want to tell her so frankly because it will hurt her feelings. Why can't they truly understand how I feel? Why don't they put themselves in my shoes.

I'm disappointed. But i can't tell anyone how my heart feels except for Sam,because i feel that telling more people my problems,only makes me feel more disappointed. Nobody is in fault,right now and i won't blame anyone. Just that,i want to ask them,if they really want to get rid of her,then just talk to me face to face again. No matter how many times i tell that i don't really like her,they won't believe me. I might treat her nice but that doesn't completely means i like her so much. Do they really know what i am doing inside my heart?

I can't tell them the same thing again,it's worthless and useless. The more i tell them,the more i feel i'm not good at getting rid of people,because i care about people's feeling more than my own. It's an obstinate act but i can't help,because that is what makes me,ME. I might really be vulgar and mean,but i'm still finding the girl that resides in the deepest part of my heart. I want to find that girl and take her out. I believe this vulgar and mean side of me is just a facade that will eventually fade off.

I'm in no mood to play any games and i don't find myself so pityful or whatever shit. I'm already very fortunate. :) So i shouldn't whine more,even if i'm suffering this problem,i don't consider it as such a major problem,because i know i can solve it,as long as i listen to my heart. I'm doing no wrong. Maybe someday,i will find a time to talk to them personally about my feelings. School is such a torture.

I'll not talk about that matter anymore. Oh erm..well,even if i find that my crush doesn't really like me,i will still not give up. Giving up so easily is a trait of a weakling. I will not be weak,i will be the strong one,fighting and standing tall in a battle. Afterall,i know if my crush really doesn't like me,i can just move on,because God wants me to bump into a few Mr Wrongs before we bump into Mr. Right so that we will cherish him a lot. ;) Everything happens for a reason and sometimes even something beautiful dies,trust me,something even more beautiful will reborn.

I pray for everyone's happiness. Love is a joy only shared by two souls. Cherish it ! :D

For now,i shall stop blogging. If you guys read this and find this situation strangely familiar,you should know what's happening. I shall no longer explain myself any further. It's a worthless gesture. So yeah,later ~