Please help me Find a way to carry on Again

I just don't know how to break it..but someone's dead again and i feel the pain inside once again. Never have i found this pain so real and it feels like everything in this world has fallen apart. The slamming,the crying and the loud shouts all contributed to make this life,mine.

I don't want to break promises anymore. I find it such a sin horrible sin. I know that when people grow old,they need to go but i don't even think that this special someone deserves it. Mind you,it's one of my relatives. I don't feel like telling anyone this matter and be comforted. All they say is that this is something that all human being will grow through. I saw the pain,i saw the hurt in his eyes. I just can't stand it anymore. Breaking down was what i did at the hospital but i swear that i wouldn't do it anymore again. It's useless and wasteless. They say that when you cry,you're stronger but why is it so hurtful to cry?

I want to be loved but now when i find out that some people don't deserve my love,i just throw it away. This has nothing to do with that special person that is gone forever. Your soul will always remain in our hearts. And since lots of bad things have been happening now and nightmares coming in and out,i think that it's time to work harder the following year and not hang out too much. Watching movies at a time like this,is definitely a most obstinate idea,but somehow,it helps.

I want to make sure that these two special person who didn't make it in these two years will remain touched in my hearts forever and that's no lie. I will pray every night and every day for your happiness in a different dimension. Maybe,you think i'm crazy but i just think that i want the best for them. ..I don't want to whine anymore but i have to blog about this. I just can't keep it bottled up in my tiny little heart enclosed with some of my deepest and darkest secrets. It's not safe there.

Right now,there's nothing to do but hope and pray that things will get better. I'll be attending the funeral for 3 days,so don't expect Sammy or me to be online these few days for hours and hours. Lots of things have happened and even if electronics help,it just makes us feel more guilty. Weird,eh? I know that too. I'm weird. I don't think that i can go on with a grumpy and gloomy look until 22 December. I might not be smiling because i have a reason not to smile and that's that. I really wish that a miracle will happen. Where are my guardian angels when i need them ? -sighs-

Anyway,i shall stop blogging. You guys,have a fantastically nice day/night. God bless and later.

R.I.P to that special person. (From my mother's side)

- And i hope that my grandmother(from my father's side)

will be happy in heaven.