It's Complicated

"Crush" - Mandy Moore

Today just went perfectly out of place. :[ One of the malay guys and I had a conflict because of the script and the presentation,maybe i was a little soft but i didn't hesistate and i manage to peep inside the score sheet. Should be 60+/70 ! :D -screams for joy- The brochure must have helped a lot and to think that it was sorta messy.

Okay,since i cannot stand what my crush critised me about and well i told my god-brother to talk to him about it,he almost did but maybe it's because of the time span and he didn't got the chance and so i wrote a simple letter to him. In my opinon,the letter in the words were really strong but no censored words were used. I signed off using my nickname,since he knows it too and i wanted him to know that i really mean it. Karen told me that he crumpled the paper and then after a while,read it again.

Maybe it was a little of my fault because i remembered i teased him about something that related about being a mummy's boy and that he wanted to change. :'[ I just wish that i can keep my mouth shut but i just can't stand his critques,he knows that i have a passion for drawing and he still wants to critise my drawing. Is it that he wants to act 'macho' ? Like how some guys in stories say or are they just my imagination ? I don't know,for P.E,i just stood behind a pillar and well i did almost cried when i saw the flashback of the things that happened. A friend is there unconditionally. That very sentence appeared in my mind and caused the tears to almost drop but it didn't,since i held it back.

The remaining time was spent throwing 'catching' the basketball with Karen,we did have fun and as for Eme,she was busy talking to some of my classmates something. Afterwards,we settled down at the side of the basketball court to see the guys play basketball,along with my god-brother. We made totally funny jokes about that and that of course did brighten up my mood. Thanks you guys! :D But i can't help feeling a little guilty. When my ex-chinese partner came down to play,he sat at the side of the basketball court and knowing that the 'joke' would be more hilarious if he participated in the game,i called him to play but he played like a newbie. XD;

Yeah,i had no choice but call him to play harder so that the joke would be really funny! I giggled till i felt water in my eyes. So,Karen,Eme and I headed up to the 4th level and changed into our school uniforms and headed to the canteen to chit-chat. We didn't felt like eating so we didn't brought our wallets down. Afterwards,when i was standing at the back guarding the class,and he was infront,i just frowned but then suddenly,i felt the feeling of wanting to cry. Without a moment's hesistation,i put a finger at my eye and rubbed away the little amount of water being collected at the edge of my optics. It was lucky that no one saw that and well,maybe he saw that. But i just hope that he can just say 'Sorry' ,i really want to hear it. Or maybe i shouid say sorry for being so mean.

Maybe i should have wrote it in a more sincere manner,so that he won't get too scared or guilty but it has it's disadvantages too. He won't treat it serious and will think that i didn't mean it well. :[ That's the bad thing but where-ever he is and whatever he is doing,i just hope he understands. I don't want to give up on him even though i know there are better guys out there. He's my sweetest remedy. :) So,fate is in our hands and it will decide our future. I prayed when i was in the PAC that we could head up to the classroom earlier but we just couldn't. If we could,i could seize the chance when we were suppose to stay back a while to clean,to personally talk to him about what i actually meant.

..-sighs- Life always tricks me. Good things and bad things happen and so far,this is one of the worst things that happened but i'm glad that i have a good group of best friends,good friends and a good-god brother. God bless.

[EDIT] 9:54PM

"Going Crazy" - Natalie

Even if bad things happen,sweet things still start to grow and i believe that sweet dreams are the beginning so well i would just like to continue blogging for today's second entry about my SWEET dream! :)

I always wanted to go to a chalet with my whole class and i dreamt about that. I was having my afternoon nap since my head was aching really painfully and i called myself to dream about other stuff and not him but instead,i did dream about him and maybe that's why,i'm finding myself springing into this cycle again.

Well,being on a chalet,i only dreamt about the part when we were sleeping in the beds provided. It turns out that since we were grouped under our first names,regardless of gender,so i got to sleep next to him. It's kinda nice and i was not in my ordinary sleeping clothes,i was in my normal clothes and sitting on the bed,with the blanket over me. It seemed like it was past midnight and i just put my hand on the floor and i felt the texture of the bed next to me. I felt a blush forming and i turned,surprised to see that he wasn't sleeping too. Then we just kept a nice silence and just glance at sideways at each other at various times and soon we slept. It was totally SWEET! :D

But the negative part of me is saying that maybe the letter might be a disturbance to the bond that (maybe) we are sharing. It's kinda complicated,so i don't really care to explain. I just hope that on Monday when i get to see him again,i'll just have time to personally speak to him,he's really something that i always wanted and it's not really my ex-chinese partner. :[

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