Leave me ALONE.

Currently Feeling :
Currenly Listening To : Leave - Jojo

I just don't understand why im so obstinate and frustrated at this moment just about a girl in my chinese class liking my crush too. Maybe its because im jealous ? Im not sure about that,right now im bottling up my feelings hoping that no one can find the horrible truth,i didn't tell anyone about it yet so good me and well i just am not sure why i am like this. Im sensitive,im obstinate and im just not the girl he admire. Right now,i just want no one to talk to,im not in the mood for interesting chats and ermm,i just need a few jokes to crack up my day. -sighs-

Also,he changed too,hoping to attract someone,im not sure who is that person but he's hanging out with those good-looking and cool boys and starts being a little action but this didn't stopped me from liking him as much as i did before. I believe that there's still a part of the old him inside and well the old him is really sweet. That was also once that i wanted him to get out of my life but i learnt that i couldn't just call someone to get out of my life,just because i wanted it. Nothing goes and turns out perfectly. So im appreciating the time and the days and the months we got before we bid each other goodbye and maybe at least shake hands? I had his signature but it was last year and then,i didn't fell for him yet,right now im just questioning myself the reason why i fell for him and found out that it was the teasing and the rumors. I have to thank that for the nice and little pleasant side effects when im around him and really curse it when it becomes rocky and everything shatters. I don't really want to talk much about today even thouhg everything went absolutely fine before i heard the laughter which belonged to her when my crush did something wrong. Its always so tempting to laugh at our crush's 'joke' even though it was still not funny. Afterwards,the both of them answered my chinese teacher's question correctly and at the same time,i felt like hitting myself on the wall. Why can't i be good at Chinese? Why? Hes good at it and why can't i. Im just like him,an ordinary human expect that im of different gender and well born of different parents,siblings and maybe friends. But besides that,we' all humans are actually the same. If one can do it,the others can actually do it too. I just wonder why i can't no matter how hard i tried and how tiring i become.

I wanted to be PERFECT,because of him. I wanted to score high at chinese,because of him. Why can't i? Has fate made it a point that we're don't belong together? If so,its easier said than done. I'll just let go even if my tears keep continuing following. It don't matter anymore,i just want him to be happy. Even if it means her than me. Thats all i wanted and thats all the reason for crushing on him. Maybe,its lame but i believe that when making him smile,it brightens up my day really brightly even if i suffered from some uselss lectures and scoldings. It almost made me cried when my friend told and questioned me if i was okay,i turned to him and then let a sigh espaced from my lips. Apparently,i felt like sleeping and closing my eyes and going to paradise where everything turns out alright. A few days ago,i had a really sweet dream consisting of him and my ex-crush but then everything went out alright,and now everything turned upside down just because of this little jealousy that im having. No doubt that hes feeling the same way as me. Maybe he just think that crushes are worthless,studies are more important. For me,i think the are equally important but studies come first. And thats all im going to say.

Nothing lasts forever. Thats what im concluding.